First Campaign Challenge

Rachael has posted the First Campaigner Challenge for this round.  The details:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. These five words will be included in the word count. 
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these:
  • end the story with the words: "everything faded." (also included in the word count)
  • include the word "orange" in the story
  • write in the same genre you normally write
  • make your story 200 words exactly!

So here goes:


Shadows crept across the wall.  That’s how Amery marked the time that endless day – by how the sun streamed into the room through the vast, open windows, how the shadows changed and shifted.  Her history textbook lay open in her lap, but she couldn’t concentrate, she didn’t care.  She threw the book aside.  What difference did any of it make now?  It was her own history that mattered, only that, hers and Ty’s.  Especially Ty’s. She couldn’t change what had happened.  She would, in a heartbeat.

Ty’s mom appeared, leaned into the doorframe.  Exhausted.  Defeated.  He’s asking for you, she said in a whisper.  Amery’s stomach clenched.  What was his mother thinking?  That Amery shouldn’t be here, that Ty should be with his family now, Amery was certain.  But as she walked past, Ty’s mom put her hand on Amery’s shoulder. Amery looked up into deep blue eyes so like Ty’s and saw an ocean, a world, a whole universe of sadness. 

 He doesn’t look the same, she said in that same hoarse whisper.  But that doesn’t change how much he loves you.

Amery walked down the cold, bleak hallway to Ty’s hospital room, stepped inside.  Everything changed.  Everything faded.


(200 words).

Thanks for reading!  Check out the entries from other campaigners here

Comments

  1. I really like this, especially that the story is almost all internal and yet still so powerful!

    ReplyDelete
  2. excellent use of the prompt! depths of souls!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aww that was so sad!! I loved it!! Great entry!

    I'm entry #19

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great, excellent. I just wonder why this challenge triggered so many sad stories...

    Mine is No. 23

    ReplyDelete
  5. That was a moving piece. Emotionally driven.

    Nice one! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow, it leaves us with a lot of questions. Great piece.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow...powerful and sad. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love it! Keep going. I'm dying to know what happened. I'm picturing a burn victim for some reason. (I hope that's not to macabre.)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Awwww that's sad and powerful! Nice job :)

    I'm #39

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm from your YA campaign group and a new follower. :) So, hi!

    I really like your flash fiction piece--especially how you developed a realistic and powerful relationship between Amery and Ty's mom so quickly. It was great. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Aww, man. That's sad. Great work! :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. OOOhhh. This is GREAT! Well done! :) I'm a new follower, nice to meet you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. So very sad.. but I love stories that elicit emotion. The mark of a talented writer, to me, is one who can bring emotion from words on a page. You've done that my friend. Congratulations and well done.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Great piece. Well done!
    New follower :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. So sad. :( But great job conveying so much emotion in a few words!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Poignant! Very nicely done! New follower. :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Wow, I want to keep reading! Great job.
    I'm a new follower from the Campaign.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Wow, I really like this one! Your first paragraph sucked me in right away and I didn't want to stop reading at the end. I'm stopping by from the campaign. I can't wait to hear more from you :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. So much emotion packed into 200 words. My heart aches for each character. I especially loved the line about his mother's eyes. Beautifully written.

    ReplyDelete
  20. So powerful in something so simply put. Great take on this challenge.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sounds like it would be a great scene in a bigger novel. Enjoyed this.
    #83

    ReplyDelete
  22. Wonderful and so much naked pain in this one line:"Amery looked up into deep blue eyes so like Ty’s and saw an ocean, a world, a whole universe of sadness."

    ReplyDelete
  23. A moving piece - and you did it in the space of a heartbeat. GREAT job!

    Laurie Buchanan (entry #92)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Can only echo what others have said - really powerful stuff and pretty bleak. But I'm heartened that Ty's mum accepted how important Amery was to him. Excellent!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh that's so sad. But he's still alive, so he might make it, right? Really good story!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Awwww, such a tear-jerker!!! I agree with Nancy though. . . we don't know he's going to die, right? I hope he makes it!

    ReplyDelete
  27. The reason this is so great, is because it's happened to a lot of people and they can relate to having their live change.

    ReplyDelete
  28. This was so sad, I could really feel her struggling. Definitely voting for you :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Wow, this one hooked me! I want to know what happened! I want more!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  30. Powerfully sad scene. Nicely done.
    http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

    ReplyDelete
  31. Thought provokingly sad! Nice job!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Excellent. You achieved what, I think, you set out to achieve.

    You could use this as the opening to a great, if sad, novel.

    ReplyDelete
  33. So sad. I love the little touches like the revision book, and the worry that she shouldn't be there. Real life concerns mixed in with the huge event going on.

    ReplyDelete
  34. This tugged at my heart. Very nice entry.

    Melissa Maygrove #149.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts